Yes?

I just finished watching “Yes man” starring Jim Carrey. Aside from being quite a funny movie, can you imagine going through life saying yes to everything? I imagine it would open a lot of opportunities, it could very well lead to something awful but who knows, it could just as well lead to a good thing. It would certainly make life more interesting, obliterating any trace of routine. Yet as interesting as it may sound, I sincerely doubt anyone would have the courage to attempt such a thing. I would certainly like to try it sometime at least for a day, though I would need a lot of people supporting me and not letting me quit, cause let’s be honest… it’s not an easy thing to do, and it would require guts, some sort of intoxication (alcoholic or otherwise), an open mind and a friend to stick with me throughout the day not letting me quit. Fuck it! I would do it! I would fucking do it! And it would be the funniest day ever. Even if things go wrong, I’m sure we’d have a laugh by the end of the day. But as a rule I won’t have to say yes to what my friend tells me as I’m sure he would take advantage and make me do stupid and embarrassing things.

One of these days…

Friendship.

I’ve never had much love for cold people. I like to think that I’ve always surrounded myself with good people. A dying breed of decent human beings that are generally good at heart, I carefully selected and befriended with. I also like to think that I, myself, am not an evil person even if at times I act like a jackass and maybe offend some people. The truth is that I simply get bored and I like to push things a bit, just enough not to do any long term or permanent damage.

I’ve learned over the years that friendship is a hard thing to achieve. I know quite a lot of people that I may interact with on regular basis, yet I can only tag a handful of them as true friends, even though they are scattered hundreds of meters or kilometers apart, and some even in different countries striving for a better life. These are the people I can honestly say I have never, ever had a fight with. Maybe we had some minor arguments, but nothing serious, never. As a dear friend of mine once claimed, “All my friends are Gods”, and they truly are in my eyes.

To be honest I have never been the one to say these things I just wrote aloud, never cared that much for these… “corny” so-to-say statements. I always thought they were stupid, gay and childish to be honest. And they are! I don’t need to prove anything to anyone, because as the internet says “Friendship is like when you piss yourself, everyone can see it… but only you feel the warmth”. I’ve always found that statement funny, and quite accurate to tell the truth. So saying it makes no relevance.

Insomnia is never pleasant.

Funny thing about insomnia is that no matter how much you try falling asleep, unless you consciously keep your eyes closed, they stay wide open. That makes it somewhat harder to fall asleep when you must constantly focus on keeping them shut.

It’s not that I’m not tired… My eyes ache, they are bloodshot, my skin is pale, I’m mildly euphoric and I truly am sleepy, yet all my efforts have failed miserably.  I could have total silence, the most comfortable bed in the world, my eyes would find themselves staring at the ceiling.

It’s the third day in a row when I catch the sun rise and I pray I could just faint in my bed and get a good decent sleep. To make matters worse, even in regular days when I can “successfully” sleep at night, it takes more than an hour to fall asleep, time I spend reflecting on all the random events and discussions I’ve had or even imagining scenarios, mostly unrealistic. You could say I get bored waiting to dream, so I do it consciously. At times, if there is someone else with me in the room, I pretend to be asleep so that they won’t interact with me in any way and won’t interrupt my long way towards sleeping.

I know many people that fall asleep as soon as they put their head on their pillow, I would give anything to see what’s that like. I can’t achieve that even after a good spliff, or two, or three. It is quite depressing…

Well, it’s 8:49 AM and that being said, only one thing remains for me to do:

-Coffee & Cigarettes. 

Did you konw?

           Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are witren, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

True story :)

           This is an actual extract from a sex education school texbook for girls, printed in the early 60's in the UK.
         
           "When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. When ic comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him.       
           If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband's whishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite suficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.       
           Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your cloting, freshen up and apply your night=time face and hair care products.
           You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea when he awakes."

Warning.

          If you are reading this then this warning is addressed to you. Every word you read of this useless text is another second of your life. Don't you have better things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all those who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want?
          Get out of your appartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive.
          If you don't claim your humanity, you will become a static.


                                                                                                                 - some guy Tyler.

Thoughts about Life.

            Many have asked themselves what is this meaning of life, why are we here, what’s the point of it all? Well, I gave it some serious thought and I, personally reached the following conclusion: There is none. There is no hidden truth, no divine purpose, it’s just life. You get born, you grow old, wither and die. I tell you this now to spare you of reading the rest of this idea of mine.

            Since the beginning of time, men tried giving a deeper meaning to life. Many found religion, gave them hope for a second chance in life. They refused the idea of life being just a simple act of nature, similar to a plant, an insect. They hoped for and wanted another life after death. Could you blame them? The idea of mortality still sends shivers down my spine. But the fact remains that nothing happens afterwards, no chance, no meaning, nothing. Most people find that idea hard to comprehend, the idea of nothingness. Can’t really put your finger on that, can you? The same thing happens when trying to picture in your head something being infinite. You can say it, but you can’t really imagine it. Let me ask you this: What’s the difference between you and… let’s say a bug …you have a soul? …are you sure? A bug is killed every minute of every hour, but no one seems to give a damn or even take it into consideration. Why are you different? Why would you or your actions matter? Think about it.

            Now comes the main subject I would like to write about. Think for a second what I just wrote is true. Out meaningless lives are just tiny specks in this whole universe. Just as I said, in a tiny fraction of a moment, looking at the bigger picture, we get born wither and die. Nothing happening afterwards, no consequence what-so-ever… Why do we live our lives the way we do? Why do we get sucked in this meaningless routine? Listening to our society that teaches us life should be the following: Study throughout your first third of your life and work throughout your last two thirds. The simple thought of that makes me angry and outraged. Sure, there is this tiny percentage of men that left their fingerprint on this earth, maybe their life mattered since they changed the course of history, and even them won’t really matter eventually. But what happens to the 99.99% rest of the population that make no difference and their actions make no consequence on this life? What if I go around on the street acting like a madman randomly hitting people in their faces? I might get beaten, maybe thrown in jail if I do something worse. But what difference will that really make? What difference will it make in the universe? What about after I die, will it really matter? Who will remember? Will I care after I’m dead? –Well, actually, no. As I said before, the bitter truth is that in the end, nothing we do really matter, and it probably never will.

              It’s just chaos. Guess i found Nihilism.